Why are men ridiculously delusional in the women they want/approach? I'm not a troll. This is a real question. Why does a fat, pot bellied, unkempt, balding, stupid (ergo poor) man, tell a woman above his league that she isn't hot enough for him?

The second instance makes him a cheat (which is a more polite way of saying, “liar”); cheats who are caught and/or want to move on will say anything to rationalize their ways: “you’re ugly!” “you’re old!” “you’re clingy!” etc.

The few men who do actually and legitimately approach women—that is, men who aren’t already married, or in a committed relationship, or playing at “polyamory” b*llsh*t—those men eventually decide their ability to decide who’s a “good match,” or who might be interested in them is pretty much a crap shoot.

Explaining why that is in detail is way beyond the scope here.

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So, in the first instance, the only person who can explain why a certain person does anything is just that person himself. The rest of us can only guess.

I’ve only ever heard one “man” in my entire life tell a woman that she isn’t “hot enough” for him and that was a 17 year old boy talking to a 17 year old girl.

If someone you’ve been seeing for a while says that to you then there’s likely been some friction between the two of you otherwise and you’re arguing; or, given he’s the right kind of narcissistic personality, he believes he’s found someone better.

How do you get a girl to like you?

Ask any conventionally attractive women you know and they will tell you that all guys are always trying to date them: the good guys, the bad guys, and the ugly guys.

That’s something we all have a hard time accepting: for the most part women do the choosing. That’s one of the reasons you so often find a married man having affairs behind his wife’s back: because men will accept sex if it is thrown at them and women are attracted to married men.

As far as the delusional nature of men in general, I can only say that while the 17 year old boy from a few paragraphs earlier was stupid and egotistical mainly as a matter of immaturity, that situation was in some ways typical because it was actually the case that the girl approached the boy.

Should I have left it alone and kept quiet? I came out as gay to my adult kids last week. Age 61 married 15 years, divorced for 20. I feel so guilty for ruining their lives by living a lie.

So, finally, they default to approaching whichever women they find attractive. For the most part, men are all attracted to the same type of women.